I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
