Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
