I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
