so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize