i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
