shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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