yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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