Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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