never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
