Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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