thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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