so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
