just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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