I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
