My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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