Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
