yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
