The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
