so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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