thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
