im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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