if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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