at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
