No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize