He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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