Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
