I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
