she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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