All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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