The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
