This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
