i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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