All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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