Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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