oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
