If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
