my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
