So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
