I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
