I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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