I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
