is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
