she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
