All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize