I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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