Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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