i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
