She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize