Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
