After last night, I could never be a politician.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
