I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
