dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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