Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Porn is love you can see.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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