If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
