at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
