what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
