Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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