Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
