You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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