If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
