I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
