The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
