His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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