Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
