She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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