like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm at about main and main street
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
