I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
