What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Holy shit dude........stairs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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