i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're a waste of cheezeits
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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