Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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