Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
