im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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