It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think my moral compass just broke
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
