do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
where are my eyebrows?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
